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The “best helicopter door gunner of all time” died and went to heaven. St. Peter greeted him there and said “Welcome to heaven! Your terminal assignment orders indicate you were the best door gunner in human history and did wonderful things for your fellow crew members, your unit, and your country your entire life. For that reason I am authorized to let you choose in which part of heaven you would like to spend eternity.”
“Well”, the gunner said, “I’d love to bunk somewhere where I will never see another Navy helicopter pilot – they are loud, contemptible, and generally a pain in the ass, and I don’t want to see, hear, or have to deal with one ever again!”
“No problem, Specialist!” St. Peter replied. “We don’t get too many helicopter pilots up here anyway, but just to be sure, I have the perfect place for you – a deserted tropical island where you will never be bothered by them”.
The gunner floated off to his island paradise, a happy lad. But about 1 week later he was back at the pearly gates, demanding to see St. Peter. “What’s wrong?” St. Peter asked.
“Well” said the gunner, “You said I would never have to deal with a Navy helicopter pilot again. But, as I was walking along the beach this morning, I looked up and there, swaggering towards me, was this obnoxious looking fellow wearing a flight suit, sporting a sidearm and a 16-function wrist watch, with a girl on each arm, and telling war stories that all started with “There I was….”
St. Peter appeared puzzled and said “Let me check something” then queried his computer to determine the recent whereabouts of the only two Navy helicopter pilots in Heaven. He wasn’t coming up with any answers when finally it dawned on him…. “Oh, that wasn’t a helicopter pilot you saw this morning… that was God! – Sometimes he likes to dress up and pretend he's a Navy helicopter pilot.”
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